"Guides" on social behavior are by definition an awkward mix of over-generalized observations and overly-specific deductions. This one is no exception:
In pubs, for example, the area around the bar counter is universally understood to be the 'public zone', where initiating conversation with a stranger is acceptable, whereas sitting at a table usually indicates a greater desire for privacy. Tables furthest from the bar counter are the most 'private' zones.
When you first meet new people, their initial impression of you will be based 55% on your appearance and body-language, 38% on your style of speaking and only 7% on what you actually say.
That isn't to say they have no value. It's helpful to be aware of the various aspects of social interaction, like how eye contact and the distance you keep affects a conversation. The danger is that the ideas are presented as definitive facts, as though all you need to do is follow their prescription to success:
When you first approach an attractive stranger, having established at least an indication of mutual interest through eye contact, try to make eye contact again at about 4ft away, before moving any closer. At 4 ft (about two small steps away), you are on the borderline between what are known as the 'social zone' (4 to 12 ft) and the 'personal zone' (18in to 4ft).
The truth is, there is no prescription. At least, not a universal one. If you need a place to start, try simply to enjoy yourself when you're out. Being social comes more naturally when you're having a good time.
Pop culture is the best and only guide we have. Dave Hickey said the cultures that write love songs are the ones that don't have rigid scripts for love and courtship. We listen to love songs because we accept few limitations and instead use a shared collection of stories to orient ourselves in the vast space of possibilities.
So, what part of pop culture tells us how to flirt? (If you say reality television, I will climb out of your monitor and stab you in the face.)
I think their intent is just to describe the mean, not the universal.
Plus, its very likely that as humans, our impressions of how well we are doing in one particular area will be dramatically incorrect, so if you are using this as a howto guide, you will inevitably get it wrong without lots of practice.
In pubs, for example, the area around the bar counter is universally understood to be the 'public zone', where initiating conversation with a stranger is acceptable, whereas sitting at a table usually indicates a greater desire for privacy. Tables furthest from the bar counter are the most 'private' zones.
When you first meet new people, their initial impression of you will be based 55% on your appearance and body-language, 38% on your style of speaking and only 7% on what you actually say.
That isn't to say they have no value. It's helpful to be aware of the various aspects of social interaction, like how eye contact and the distance you keep affects a conversation. The danger is that the ideas are presented as definitive facts, as though all you need to do is follow their prescription to success:
When you first approach an attractive stranger, having established at least an indication of mutual interest through eye contact, try to make eye contact again at about 4ft away, before moving any closer. At 4 ft (about two small steps away), you are on the borderline between what are known as the 'social zone' (4 to 12 ft) and the 'personal zone' (18in to 4ft).
The truth is, there is no prescription. At least, not a universal one. If you need a place to start, try simply to enjoy yourself when you're out. Being social comes more naturally when you're having a good time.