This puts to clear words a nagging sensation I've had my whole life, that I (also) tried to tell other people but couldn't. Talking just doesn't work as well as people think it does. It seems so obvious once you start noticing, but almost nobody notices this. People are either just repeating memes each other basically already know, or else are talking past each other.
When I overhear people having a conversation, almost always, I can see that the two people aren't really understanding each other, and neither of them realize it. Unless the content is basically emotion only, with no real new information. If I try to be aware of this dynamic when listening to people, it frustrates them... without me jumping to (probably wrong) conclusions and pretending to understand, it seems like I have some kind of communications disability and/or obnoxious personality, where I am drawing out the explanation way more than they expected to be necessary. The social norm is to think or at least act like you understand immediately when you really don't.
I often get the impression, when trying to explain totally new ideas to people, that they just assign it to the nearest known trope/meme, and assume it's that, and are unable to see how it's different. Even when it's really really different!
As an academic scientist this is a HUGE problem. All of my really new ideas, I cannot communicate to anyone, and get funding for them. Only the obvious/stupid things, the things they expect, get understood and funded. I then do my real work, the stuff I later get tons of praise for, "in my spare time." Like the author, I too wish I was independently wealthy, so I could actually do my job!
I like this perspective because it puts the burden back on me, and gives me something to act on. How can I put them into this experience, so they really get it?
> I am drawing out the explanation way more than they expected to be necessary. The social norm is to think or at least act like you understand immediately when you really don't.
I have wrestled with this since I was a child. For a long time I felt I was frequently missing information everyone else was picking up on (which was surely true in some cases, but not all)-- it even led to a brief delusion where I became paranoid about a large subpopulation of telepaths living alongside us, with access to their own hidden world containing significantly richer detail and depth, who pitied disadvantaged individuals like me.
Turns out a whole lot of people have simply felt forced into faking deeper understanding due to pressures of social competition, and gotten really good at it. Like an arms race of bullshitting. A facade of wisdom and knowledge.
Like you, I've often been accused of 'over-explaining' - which many do in fact find annoying - but we only do it because we've found it's necessary to avoid miscommunication.
So, thanks for writing your comment, I feel slightly better about the situation now.
I don't know if it's just stupidity, ignorance, or a lack of effort. Maybe a combination. But this type of deficiency is so prevalent, it makes me want to see fully autonomous AI. Even though I know it's an incredibly bad idea and would never actively work towards it until it becomes an irreversible trend. People are stupid. They will do it soon enough. Hopefully it doesn't immediately turn into a disaster.
But GPT 4 definitely listens and understands. Usually.
You draw a picture of a house. Someone else also draws a picture of a house (but it looks different from yours, as they had a different idea in their head as to what a house should look like).
"That's not right, it's supposed to be on a hill"
You draw a picture of house on a hill.
"Still not quite what I had in mind. It should have 3 front windows, with a chimney on the left side, and a tree between the door and the driveway."
You redraw the picture again.
"Not that kind of tree... it should be pointier"
"You mean like a conifer?"
"What's a conifer?"
Words simply aren't very good at conveying a lot of information, so it can take many words to get a clear message across to someone. Additionally, there's often multiple ways to interpret words, which humor typically plays on. And then, with people not all sharing the same knowledge/understanding of things, it often becomes very difficult to tell someone something, especially complicated things. I mean just imagine how hard it would be to try telling tribal people who live away from civilization, who don't even know what a computer is, about ChatGPT... that is, if they even understand the language you speak.
>When I overhear people having a conversation, almost always, I can see that the two people aren't really understanding each other, and neither of them realize it.
I have noticed exactly the same. But meanwhile, you and me are sitting there understanding what each of the two means, and how each misunderstands the other. So clearly it's possible for someone to understand what is said??
When I overhear people having a conversation, almost always, I can see that the two people aren't really understanding each other, and neither of them realize it. Unless the content is basically emotion only, with no real new information. If I try to be aware of this dynamic when listening to people, it frustrates them... without me jumping to (probably wrong) conclusions and pretending to understand, it seems like I have some kind of communications disability and/or obnoxious personality, where I am drawing out the explanation way more than they expected to be necessary. The social norm is to think or at least act like you understand immediately when you really don't.
I often get the impression, when trying to explain totally new ideas to people, that they just assign it to the nearest known trope/meme, and assume it's that, and are unable to see how it's different. Even when it's really really different!
As an academic scientist this is a HUGE problem. All of my really new ideas, I cannot communicate to anyone, and get funding for them. Only the obvious/stupid things, the things they expect, get understood and funded. I then do my real work, the stuff I later get tons of praise for, "in my spare time." Like the author, I too wish I was independently wealthy, so I could actually do my job!
I like this perspective because it puts the burden back on me, and gives me something to act on. How can I put them into this experience, so they really get it?