First of all, people frequently do those walls of texts when they have no idea of who they are, they just did everything that they were told so, so they are like a puppet. Making money is not hard when you are puppet. Here on HN there's a lot of paul graham's puppets, so they somehow spend their lifes creating CRUD apps...

Don't take me this the wrong way.... but I think you are full of shit. You are those kind of people(very common in HN's community also) that HAVE to think you are somehow special. You think that life is something you explore and conquer. Your life made you think like that and now it's time for you to release yourself from your stupid destiny, just like you did with the drugs.

Start reading more philosophy and literature... I know you are probably goal driven and there's absolutely no real goal in "reading". You just get to see things differently, with a diferent perspective and that will really help you.

Also, don't forget that days go by really fast, someday you will die. God might not exist and that might be your last chance to be yourself, so... who are you?

And please, make real friends and get a girlfriend: you will see how simple working and making money is, something hard is to make a person happy everyday(your friends, your girlfriend, the ones that you love...).

I wouldn't agree that I need to be some sort of "special" person or anything like that. I do view life as something to explore and to enjoy. In my opinion they sort of go hand-in-hand, but you may disagree. I don't believe in any sort of destiny and never had a problem with drugs, it was everyone around me who did.

You are right that I am very goal driven, but I try and read at least 50 books a year. Most, if not all the books I read tend to be non-fiction, so I may benefit from actually opening up a classic or well written novel every now and then. For now I enjoy reading memoirs about the lives of ordinary people and the different issues they face. Those sort of things give me a different perspective on how to approach certain topics going forward and I find value in that.

I agree with your last one, but to seek out people in that way is not always the best form of doing things. Instead, I go out and try new activities. I make friends through those things. I talk with people when I am out and if something happens then great. If not, then it doesn't worry me too much.

I appreciate your response and despite it coming off a little hostile, there is value in it.

So you are basically trying to get advice on something and tell me afterwards "I'm this, this and that."

I really think that you should reflect more and relax, you are in a good position comparing people at your age. That is good... but I feel that you care more about counting the countries that you've visited(like 140 countries!) instead of the moments you had there. I do abstract a lot of things like that too, but sometimes its time to enjoy the moment.

Well, I hope you find your way and be happy(or get out of boredom)! :D

I'm willing to bet you've never tried any "mind-altering" drugs - alcohol included. Am I right? If I am right, don't ever try them!!!

My feeling is that you're addicted to something else - and I would suggest that "something else" is much better for you than the alternative.

Is this it? Yes it is! Well... yes and no! You might be able to conquer the world - wouldn't that be great? :-) Your challenge isn't in what you achieve, it's in what you get satisfaction from. When you conquer the world, when you make your first million, when you do x, y or z... - that "high" will eventually leave you void, much like the void you've already defined, both within yourself and within your family. Your challenge will be finding peace and pleasure in the normal moments of life. Do you relate to or understand what I'm saying?

I wish you the best! Not in your achievements, not in your work, not in your studies - but in your pursuit of happiness for the rest of the moments that sit in the vast space between your low points and your high points.

I have smoked weed, but all it did was make me think like a normal person (or at least how I think a normal person would think - no racing from subject to subject or building complete hypothetical decision trees in your head). I have and still partake in a few drinks, but with a focus on taste; Microbrewed beer and good wine is more of what I like.

I know exactly what you are saying and it is funny how you managed to sum up everything in my post to come to that answer. While I am not depressed, I do have points of being in a rut where I can't seem to find the happiness I would have thought to be associated with what I was working towards. Even when I do find the happiness in things, I tend to side with my mind in saying that it is not good enough. I can always be a couple seconds faster on the bike, always a bit smarter in how I structure my code, maybe find someone who is more of what I like, etc.

Last year I made the goal of accepting things for what they are and not what they could be. Reaching this will be a life long battle and one that tends to move much like changing myself and that is slow. This year was focusing more on my family and realizing that I need to accept that I can't change who they are. I can't make them better or worse, they are just themselves and I can now accept that. I imagine other parts of my life will fall in line the same way, but it requires a lot of effort.

I appreciate your kind words and your very accurate summary.

1. Take more risks.

2. Don't be afraid to fuck up and keep going, provided you learn why you fucked up and don't do it again.

3. A good sign that you've done something really worthwhile is that at least one person is pissed off at you. A good sign you've done something really stupid is that a lot of people are pissed off at you.

4. Nobody has a clue about anything. Even the super popular speakers at DefCon. If someone tries to tell you they have a clue, it's because they haven't yet realized they don't.

5. Follow your instinct. If you are bored or unhappy, figure out what's causing it, and change that. Oh, and take more risks.

Love. Love yourself, fall in love, love what you do. Pick whatever order works best for you.

It sounds like you've figured out quite a bit about yourself at a surprisingly early age, had a chance to see a decent amount of the world already, and have had to grow up very quickly. In any case, find something external that really, truly matters to you. Know thine self, etc.

Figuring myself out is the best and scariest part of all this. It should get even more interesting if I manage to shoot for the degree in social psychology.

I'm a programmer and recently (in the last couple of years, I'm 33) come to the realization that nothing that I do during my day job is an actual, tangible thing, nor will it be around 5, 10 or 20 years from now. The thing I spend most of my waking life doing is flipping some bits on a spinning magnetized piece of metal. Is that really all there's going to be to life? So I've worked on two things. Things that permanent and will actually be around 10, 20 or 100 years from now.

First, I'm a fairly proficient woodworker in my spare time in the garage (started about three years ago). Building a dresser from scratch involves a lot of the same problem solving challenges that I face as a programmer, but I'm building an actual tangible thing that exists in the real world and can't be destroying by a strong magnet. I feel like I'm actually making a place for myself in the world and doing something useful. I might build a chair that someone lives with for 30 years and then gives to their children, who then give it to their children. It's still makes me smile to think about.

Second, I've had a son and will hopefully have another in the next couple years. As sappy as it sounds, when you really think about it, having children is the meaning of life. We, as humans, are just our DNA's way of making more DNA. That's kind of depressing but also extremely amazing and awesome. And there are millions of kids out there that no longer have parents for whatever reason, so if you can't have your own then please please consider adopting. Any of the crap you do in your life, work or travel or building houses, none of it will mean as much to you as raising a kid. Again, sappy, especially at 23 when you probably couldn't care less about kids. But damn, the fact that you have another human being who you can teach about the world and will smile when you walk in the door...it's unbelievable. And the stuff I teach him about the world now will be with him the rest of his life. I've been a part of something meaningful that will outlast me.

tl;dr Find a hobby (or job) that actually has some permanence in the world, and find someone to love and raise a family with.

I had that same realization. Except I'm 21. It got me kind of bummed at, all the things I create for the web, aren't tangible. At least yet. Who knows - maybe some day they will be?

Hey, i'm in my 20's also :)

It may seem normal to you and not a big deal since you kind of dismissed it but you did describe a childhood full of turmoil (gangs, drugs, parental issues). You might want to talk to a mental health professional about these things. Your childhood environment could have made a negative impact you're not yet aware of.

Other than that, try focusing more on doing things you believe is useful to the next generation. Feeling valuable to the next generation is hard wired into humans but often times ignored causing the well known mid-life crisis. You may have just gotten there a lot faster than the average person.

The things you do to aren't important it's the way you think about what you do. For example, most people do this by raising kids and feeling responsible for the process. Another option is to become a mentor to one/many people and share your wisdom and experience with others. Pretty much anything works even things generally considered superficial as long as you believe internally you're doing it to serve others.

I'm 24 and I asked this question when I was 23 and got a lot of responses: http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1474094

Good luck!

You probably just need to aim a lot higher than what you're shooting for right now, is my opinion.

Does this quote not get you pumped up?

"The computer programmer is a creator of universes for which he alone is responsible. Universes of virtually unlimited complexity can be created in the form of computer programs." - Joseph Weizenbaum

How about you, let's say, write a computer game that will make people stay up all night, or an interactive fiction novel that they can't put down? But don't give up because it wasn't hard enough or whatever.

You seem to have a lot of stuff figured out. You stayed out of trouble. You have a hardcore work ethic. But if you're in doubt, you can always work less and do something else. And if that doesn't work, go do another thing. At one moment, you'll figure out what do you want to do. Have you ever tried to play guitar?

It is the something else that I am unsure of at the moment. Occasionally I get the thought to head to Africa and help build networks or begin writing some sort of book, but those things take planning. One thing I need to do is locate the patience I have seemed to lost in the past years. I have never tried guitar, but it seems like one of those things that requires patience so it would fit well. Plus, a part of me has always wanted to play the acoustic version of karma police.

I see. Guitar is something that requires patience, for sure. Someone can play well enough to entertain drunk friends with one year of half-assed practice. To play on a stage, it's way more time of serious practice. It'll hurt, sometimes it'll take days to see improvements. Rehearse and constant practice are the key factors to thrive. If you're lacking patience, get a tutor. He will help you build momentum. The same 'process' is valid for other moments you may be lacking patience. Get a friend you trust or a psychologist (they help well-adjusted people too), tell them about your projects, and every time you're losing patience, call them and tell them, and listen to them. They should reassure your progress, and help you get back on track.

It all changes when you have kids...or at least it will if you want it to.

24.

;-)