> I've been feeling extremely anxious about work. I don't feel well in my current team because everyone is smarter than me and I think no one likes me (people forget to invite me to meetings, I'm not invited to outside events, etc.). Every pull request I submit gets a load of criticism. I don't feel valuable to the team.
> The first thing I thought is that my attitude is bad. But this can't be - I've heard from multiple people that I'm the nicest and most patient person they've ever met. In fact, my manager has criticized me more than once for being "too nice" i.e. that I should stand my ground more, or push people for things I depend on from them.
To be honest, I've found that "highly opinionated" engineers can end up preying on those who don't stand their ground. They can use them to push their own opinions through, devalue the others work, and therefore view the other as less important than themselves.
I would take your manager's criticism to heart. It will take time, but you must push back for your own reputation. My only hope is that your manager can moderate when they see you're drowning.
> The first thing I thought is that my attitude is bad. But this can't be - I've heard from multiple people that I'm the nicest and most patient person they've ever met. In fact, my manager has criticized me more than once for being "too nice" i.e. that I should stand my ground more, or push people for things I depend on from them.
To be honest, I've found that "highly opinionated" engineers can end up preying on those who don't stand their ground. They can use them to push their own opinions through, devalue the others work, and therefore view the other as less important than themselves.
I would take your manager's criticism to heart. It will take time, but you must push back for your own reputation. My only hope is that your manager can moderate when they see you're drowning.